| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2006|11:34 pm] |
Oh man! So much shit shit has happened this week (counting as seven days, not that I can count)
I got drunk on wine in formal, but I really suck because I just do, and the thing afterwards was really depressing so I tried to be enthusiastic but I really couldn't because I was drunk, and we need to have a chillout night in the music room because that would actually work. I really can't be enthusiastic while drunk and listening to cheese. It doesn't come out as enthusiastic because my eternal lethargy comes out, and it just looks like I'm drunk. I guess it doesn't look like I'm faking it, which most of the time I am, but it looks like I'm drunk, which I might not always be. I don't know. Depressed drunk is just shit. I've seen Vid doing that and it fucking sucks. I don't have the energy for enthusiasm though, so I'm stuck being really shitty. I should really just not get drunk, or try the whole depressed thing. I did the whole depressed thing, but I didn't do it where there were people making an effort because it would bring the mood down.... though circle pitting into a table and dead-legging myself was pretty bad. I really don't think I'm capable of raising the mood anywhere. I should move to Japan where nobody ever *really* gets drunk, and everyone's pretending so they have an excuse for doing stupid things. I should also stop swearing, and be a generally better person. When I had to be depressed, I decided to watch desperate housewives, because that's about as depressing as it gets to be honest. Note to self: if you try to cheer people up when you're even slightly drunk, people will simply tell you to piss off and stop being drunk. I need to make it up to people. Guess who's talked themselves into a downward spiral and will never be reading this entry ever ever again because it's so damned depressed?
Okay, and in other news, still depressing, I managed to basically tell Mandy never to talk to me again, and that was a *really* bad idea, because I really like talking to her, but I don't know how much she likes talking to me, or how much it's because we had something that worked so well, but just failed in uni because I'm such a cunt to her sometimes. I dunno. She can do better than me. Anyone can do better than me because I gave up being a good person on August 5th 2004 It's fucked up how whenever I think "depressed", I still always think of that eventually. Normally takes a while, but it still happens. Dude: my entry about it is on the next fucking day. I swear I was in hospital longer than a day. It's the kind of thing that you feel cheated if you don't miss like a week in a coma. I never knew that. I guess it works though, but it means I found out about it the same day. I thought it was like the next day or something when I was told. That's why I got so fucking angry at her uncle for not telling me. Turns out it was the same day, and he was just trying to tell me gently, which is why he took so long about it before he got round to it. Sometimes you have to be drunk and depressed on LJ to notice things like that. On the plus side, I have some hospital PJs because all my clothes got cut off me (and when you're trying to impress someone, you put on your favourite shizzle, so when it gets cut off of you after sustaining only head injuries, it's a bit of a bummer. I still have a picture of her wearing my O'neil hoodie, but I think I told my mum to hide it, along with basically everything else from that trip.
WHY AM I GETTING DEPRESSED RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF TERM? SURELY YOU SHOULD GET DEPRESSED ON YOUR OWN WHERE NOBODY CAN NOTICE... and I'm getting depressed on a blog, where the only person you don't want to read it is the only person who you wish wouldn't see it, but you post it anyway, because if you don't, it'd get lost, and if you do post it, because whatever goes on LJ goes in the public domain as a matter of principle, kept over from my "freedom of information" ideologies from my youth.
Okay, and you know the most depressing thing? The only thing that's happened that's good all week was tuesday when chat.cam.ac.uk got a step towards actually being in existence. Also, in another jabber related note, the Google Talk servers became fully fledged Jabber servers on the same or similar day: It's possible to talk between talk.google.com and jabber.org etc, so if you want, you can connect to MSN via Google Talk. It works quite well because all the other jabber servers keep going down, forcing me onto another server if I want to connect. I suppose in a way, it's better than MSN, which when it goes down, you're fucked, but still it's annoying. At least google talk has google behind it, so you can at least expect some kind of fast recovery if it *does* go down. Hopefully chat.cam.ac.uk will solve all my problems, and it should be up in like 2-3 weeks.
Oh. Other good news: I went and found that engineering place that I talked to about work experience, and the guy reckons I could actually be useful to the company, so I have a work experience placement, but I would quite like to do easy stuff like installing and configuring systems because after god knows how many installs of linux on god knows how many systems over the last year and a half, I can do that with my eyes closed.
Okay, can you tell I'm just trying to be enthusiastic again. *collapses*
I wish I could just wipe this whole thing from the memories of all involved parties. (and don't even get me started on CDRWs.)
Note to self: if you can't be enthusiastic when sober, don't try to make up for it while drunk. I's never pretty.
[EDIT: I have a table shaped bruise just above my left knee, and I get the feeling I was lied to about lectures being cancelled, so I'm up for my 9:00 anyway just to check. The whole not talking to Mandy thing was really bad timing because it would be really nice right now. I ended up ranting on here like a madman, and quite out of the blue, Annie appeared online, and bore the full force of my rantiness. I'm currently listening to a bit of the old nickel creek because they actually stir the emotions, and that's what I like my music to do. I really do need to get myself a playlist of "music to cry to". The idea is an old idea of mine, but I've never gotten round to actually doing it.
Oh, and theorb asked me how to get on MSN via GT, so that can go on here too. Basically, get psi out, and connect that as per the instructions on the GT site. Then go into options -> events and check auto-authorise contacts, then go to service discovery, and you can now (as of tuesday 17th, I hear) take services from any jabber server you want. I use the gateway from jabber.earth.li, but it's really shit and doesn't have avatar support or anything. If someone knows of a server that's running PyMSNt (which isn't jabber.org.au, because they don't let you use their transports unless you have an account on their server), please tell me.] |
|
|
|
|